While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
