whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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