She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
