your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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