having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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