Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
