every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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