He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize