she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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