Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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