I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
