ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
