I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
