i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
