Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
