Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
lets start a swedish sibling band together
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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