I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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