i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
