I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize