dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
