im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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