You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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