ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
