Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
