i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
