we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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