so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
