we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
