Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
