Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
