Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
