he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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