i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
