Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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