Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My vagina is officially offended.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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