yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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