You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
