Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize