I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
