the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
