dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
try to milk me bitch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
