I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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