I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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