my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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