dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
