Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
