Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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