Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
