listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
