New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
