I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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