yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
