one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
