he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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