Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
