he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
