You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
