Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
