How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
