I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize