her vagine was all disorganized.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
