I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
