Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
