So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize