So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
