My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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