Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
