everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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