barbara walters just said penis...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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