So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
