Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
