So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize