ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
