hotel room ftw
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize