I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
