The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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