Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
