Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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