OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
