Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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