chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
