if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
