Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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