Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
