I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize