Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
