So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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