I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
