Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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