I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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