I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
