I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
