I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
