look no pants
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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