wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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