shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
