you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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