it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
