What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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