My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
