did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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