So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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